Every time I start out on writing these posts, I always like to think about where I was NYE the year before. I actually had to look back at my camera roll to remember, which in a way, sums up the way I look back on this last year — a complete whirlwind and blur. Here were my closing thoughts last year:
“I usually have some big NYE end of year recap/reflection planned, but it didn’t feel quite right this year. I looked back on this year the other day and while it’s been one of my best, it’s also been one of my hardest. We moved to NYC to live my dream life, and I’ve had experiences in the last several months I only ever dreamt of (literally). Those are the moments I’ve shared with you here. But it’s also been a year of learning lessons I never knew I needed. At times, the city chewed me up and spit me out. I cried lots of nights wondering if I’d made a mistake or if I wasn’t tough enough. I learned so much about myself, relationships, the world, and the value of life in the last few months and I’m so thankful for those nights of heartache. Tonight, I’m sat in bed with my pup and pizza and truly feel so grateful for life. Not because of anything material I’ve gained over the last year, but because of the experiences and lessons life has taught me. Some years aren’t the easiest, but those years usually end up being the most important.”
Reading that back, I feel so much of that still, but also know I’ve grown from the person who wrote that. This year pushed me in so many ways – both in my career and personally. There were so many life-changing high moments. For my career, I worked with some of my dream brands and grew my platform in ways I never thought I would. But with those milestones I hit, came so much self-doubt and questioning. Why me? What did I do to deserve such a fruitful career? Was I even good enough for this? The imposter syndrome became crippling at times, and ended up being just another hurdle for me to work through.
Through all of it, I went back to school to test my desire to pursue interior design professionally, hired my first ever official paid employee, spent precious moments with family and my beloved nieces, made some incredible new friends, found.. lost..and re-found my confidence, celebrated my 33rd birthday, fell even more madly in love with the city, painted, wallpapered, and repainted my bedroom, and came face to face with both my strengths and short comings as an entrepreneur. It was a whirlwind.
Another lesson learned — I don’t know if it’s the type A perfectionist in me or it’s just the way things go, but I’ve noticed the more I achieve, the less those career achievements actually fill me up. I have everything I always thought I wanted — but still find myself seeking happiness in simple moments that are filled with love and the little things. When I look back on the last year, it’s those quiet moments that I truly felt the most myself and at peace. Quiet walks through Central Park at sunset, intimate conversations with friends, creating a recipe with fresh produce from the market, Friday nights snuggled in bed with the animals, a 6pm dinner filled with laughter and an 9pm bedtime, but also nights I was so wrapped up in conversation I stayed out way past my bedtime… I’m placing an intention on going into 2023 seeking more comforting times like those.
All of that to say, I’ve learned so much about what lifts me up and fills my cup this year. Meaningful interaction, being my truest self, taking care of my well-being and of those around me, and creating a home that I love. I don’t anticipate the next year to be the biggest most exciting year ever, but I do hope that my everyday actions include those priorities that make my heart feel full.
Thank you all for being here and for your endless support. This has been my most successful year to date – I broke goals I never even dared to set. And it’s all because of your endless support, and the way you let me create in my own way. I truly treasure every DM and chat we have!
Whether this year has been one of your best or you’re ready for a clean slate in 2023, I hope you have a beautiful holiday season and take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. One thing I’ve learned — we’re all actually doing so much better than we think. x